Becoming Inside Out

absence of presence

2010-11-11T22:30:00.008-06:00

pictures worth three thousand words

2010-11-08T14:39:00.003-06:00

a season of grace

2010-10-29T16:45:00.030-05:00

"We are in a prophetic season of grace. God has already judged Jesus on the cross and He will judge us when the books are opened in eternity. Between then and now, however, we live in a season of grace. There is no judgment now, only the chastisement and discipline that comes because we are maturing into full sons and daughters of God." Graham Cooke

...to be continued...

Now: Reading Approaching the Heart of Prophecy and this quote got me thinking of this blog that has been brewing ever since...then.

Then: This picture was snapped the day we brought our little Gracie girl to be cremated. It was a relief just to have her with us again. Riding in the back of the Rav. Then nothing but ashes in a little flowered tin. From the moment she entered this world, shooting out of Sudi into my palms, to the moment she left us, collapsing peacefully into my arms and into a gentle snore....she graced our life and brought so much joy just by being there and she taught me such patience. I am still learning. She taught us to "be present" and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

And to keep hoping.

She wore one reluctantly but was in her heart a gentle leader.

Still...

2010-10-07T10:10:00.011-05:00

If only ~ even if He does not ~ we will still believe. We will still dance in the fiery furnace with our Hebrew brothers and we will still believe it is God's will and desire to heal ~ and I will pray ~ Thy Kingdom come ~ NOW ~ Thy will be done ~ NOW ~ on earth ~ NOW ~ as it is ~ NOW ~ in heaven. Staying present to His Presence no matter what in the knowing and the not knowing ~ still remembering ~ still trusting ~ still daring to hope ~ still asking ~ still receiving ~ still learning to shine ~ from kindred hearts who are and have walked this path with such inspiring grace and Glory. Lord, have mercy.

Hebrews 4:16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

In loving memory of sweet baby Ewan Eliezer Petermann
September 18, 2010 - October 4, 2010

but still...If Only...

Love never fails.

2010-04-26T14:50:00.003-05:00

tucking inside

2010-04-18T08:42:00.026-05:00

Once the Shepherd stooped and touched the flowers gently with His fingers, then said to Much-Afraid with a smile, 'Humble yourself, and you will find that Love is spreading a carpet of flowers beneath your feet.'

Much-Afraid looked at Him earnestly. 'I have often wondered about the wild flowers,' she said. 'It does seem strange that such unnumbered multitudes should bloom in the wild places of the earth where perhaps nobody ever sees them and the goats and the cattle can walk over them and crush them to death. They have so much beauty and sweetness to give and no one on whom to lavish it, nor who will even appreciate it.'

The look the Shepherd turned on her was very beautiful. 'Nothing My Father and I have made is ever wasted,' He said quietly, 'and the little wild flowers have a wonderful lesson to teach. They offer themselves so sweetly and confidently and willingly, even if it seems that there is no one to appreciate them. Just as though they sang a joyous little song to themselves, that it is so happy to love, even though one is not loved in return.

'I must tell you a great truth, Much-Afraid, which only the few understand. All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at. Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love. Many a quiet, ordinary, and hidden life, unknown to the world, is a veritable garden in which Love's flowers and fruits have come to such perfection that it is a place of delight where the King of Love Himself walks and rejoices with His friends.

Some of My servants have indeed won great visible victories and are rightly loved and reverenced by other men, but always their greatest victories are like the wild flowers, those which no one knows about. Learn this lesson now, down here in the valley, Much-Afraid, and when you get to the steep places of the mountains it will comfort you.'

excerpted from Hinds' Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard

[props to my irish dancing mermaid for her ability to see what others might miss]

found: treasures

2010-01-26T14:17:00.027-06:00

found these gems
among a sea of treasures

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn...with every goodbye you learn.

~Virginia Shopstall

then...

After 'after awhile'

You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but

to enjoy its company,

and you want someone's lips to kiss,

not because you are lonely but because you are

happy, and you want to give presents

and you want to give promises.

After 'after a while'

You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,

but like a child, will want someone to listen and care,

and you want someone who will build roads with you today

so maybe you can pave the way for your future together.

After 'after a while' you want someone's sunshine and warmth,

but also accept the rain and the cold,

and you want to give flowers picked from your own garden.

And when your garden is picture perfect,

you want it to be more than a picture

even if it means having to be imperfect

because you want someone in it to stay and live.

Then you'll see that there is such a thing as love...

and that you were made to live in someone else's garden...

and you'll know that there is more to life than yourself.

AND NOW...you realize that no matter how tightly you hold,

if you're meant to let go, you can

And then you will understand that love gives you reasons

to understand even the most complicated situations

And you will grow older believing that just because

you have convictions doesn't mean you're always right.

You will remember lips because of the smiles that made your day,

the words that touched your soul, not only because of the sweet kisses

And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb the meaning of lessons

learned, you feel that you are finally being the person you never thought you'd be.

So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world head on...with or without an army behind you

Because you know your worth and that alone is an armor.

With more heartbreaks you will cry

But after every heartache, you will rise.

~Hazel

Sweet*13

2009-10-14T21:16:00.015-05:00

Monday was Gracie's birthday! Remembering the day she was born and so grateful she is still here gracing us with her presence! Great day! It even snowed, she got cake and a walk~and showed us her gratitude by making a snow angel. She's a trooper~here's hoping she makes it to sweet 16!!

Once lost now found!

2009-10-14T21:13:00.004-05:00

R.E.M.

2009-09-29T19:05:00.000-05:00

at the cabin ~ for good ~ a year later . . .

2009-07-06T13:25:00.012-05:00

The sun is still shining . . .

The bee and tree are still growing (with cousin Haley)

This was Mom and Dad on their honeymoon in July 1961.
Last year began a new chapter in their life as Mom joined Dad in retirement, sold their home in the cities, and moved up to the lake! This is where they most love to be. My sibs all have nearby cabins as well so they get to see their grand children & great grand children even more than ever!

And this is Leeah bee. We snapped this in June in back of the lot where the slab foundation of Grandpa and Grandma's new house had just been poured. I hear it is almost finished so I'll post more pics this weekend.

Then, the bee will repeat this pose every year to see how much she and the tree have grown!

[originally posted 7/16/2008]

animate

2009-04-26T20:32:00.000-05:00

Find more videos like this on Woodland Hills Bridge

art ~ live ~ inspired

2009-03-15T07:43:00.001-05:00

Paul Young Interview ~ The Shack

2009-02-27T09:35:00.006-06:00

For those of you who have read the New York Best Seller book, "The Shack," here is an opportunity to hear from the author. It is incredible. When you access the web site click on 1 (along the left side of the video box). There is praise and worship for the first 1/3. You can put your mouse on the left-hand side of the sound bar and drag the cursor about 1/3 to the right and find when the interview begins if you want to bypass the singing. The interview is close to 45 minutes. Enjoy! The Shack Interview

p.s. You can listen, even if you have not yet read the book; it won't spoil anything for you!

generations of soul

2009-02-12T19:43:00.004-06:00

baby got sticks

equality

2009-01-20T10:48:00.003-06:00

oh happy day!

2009-01-09T23:59:00.004-06:00

Today at 9am Rob defended his final work for his Master's degree in Counseling and Psychological Services [on the Therapeutic Use of Forgiveness] and it is finished! Hooray! Congratulations Rob on this great accomplishment!!

We celebrated with good friends while supporting Providence Ministries as NDY rocked the hizouse followed by Kingdom's debut performance.
And now to personally commemorate this day to the tune of Rob's favorite childhood song, here's a toe tappin' mind synapsin' rendition of the
B. J. Thomas hit...

Neurons keep dancin’ in my head
And now that this day has come there’s something to be said
And this song seems to fit
Those neurons are dancin’ in my head they keep dancin’

So I just did me some talkin’ to the Son
And he said good work my man it’s time to hear well done!
The Kingdom’s got your job
Those neurons are dancin’ in my head they keep dancin’

And there’s one thing I know
The blues of APA did not defeat me
It won’t be long till licensure steps up to greet me

Neurons keep dancin’ in my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes are all done turnin’ red
Now onto MFT
‘Cause I’m gonna help them with their non-stop complainin’
Because I’m free
Well technically on sliding fee

[trumpet]

It won’t be long till licensure steps up to greet me

Neurons keep dancin’ in my head
And that really means my heart has fully come alive
Calling out to me
‘Cause this Counseling-Psychological degree is now mastered
I’m feelin’ free
Nothin’s worryin’ me

future

2009-01-09T16:11:00.003-06:00

You have to watch and listen all the way through...I was glad I did.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T21:47:00.001-06:00

to you and yours...from us and ours

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

2008-12-21T20:44:00.007-06:00

I'm dreaming of a white.... bunny!

[Rob put a carrot out so she just might get to see one]
asking Gracie if she wants to come in

I guess not.

word~rocks

2008-12-20T13:13:00.005-06:00

. . . mccabe's creations

and mine . . .

rock-n-around the christmas tree

2008-12-14T23:32:00.010-06:00

our first charlie brown christmas tree and we're ready to rock!

inspired by a lovely mermie by the sea

advent conspiracy

2008-12-01T14:49:00.001-06:00

Autumn Falls on the North Shore

2008-10-17T20:32:00.020-05:00

The Water Song
~ ~ ~
Come, oh come! let us away--
Lower, lower every day,
Oh, what joy it is to race
Down to find the lowest place.
This the dearest law we know--
'It is happy to go low.'
Sweetest urge and sweetest will,
'Let us go down lower still.'

Hear the summons night and day,
Calling us to come away.
From the heights we leap and flow
To the valleys down below.
Always answering to the call,
To the lowest place of all.
Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,
To go low and rise again.

Hannah Hurnard ~ Hinds' Feet On High Places

'Much Afraid,' said the Shepherd's voice in her ear, 'what do you think of this fall of great waters in their abandonment of self-giving?'

She trembled a little as she answered. 'I think they are beautiful and terrible beyond anything which I ever saw before.'
'Why terrible?' He asked.
'It is the leap which they have to make, the awful height from which they must cast themselves down to the depths beneath, there to be broken on the rocks. I can hardly bear to watch it.'
'Look closer,' He said again. 'Let your eye follow just one part of the water from the moment when it leaps over the edge until it reaches the bottom.'
Much-Afraid did so, and then almost gasped with wonder. Once over the edge, the waters were liked winged things, alive with joy, so utterly abandoned to the ecstasy of giving themselves that she could almost have supposed that she was looking at a host of angels floating down on rainbow wings, singing with rapture as they went.
She gazed and gazed, then said, 'It looks as though they think it is the loveliest movement in all the world, as though to cast oneself down is to abandon oneself to ecstasy and joy indescribable.'
'Yes,' answered the Shepherd in a voice vibrant with joy and thanksgiving. 'I am glad that you have noticed that, Much-Afraid. These are the Falls of Love, flowing from the High Places in the Kingdom above. You will meet them again. Tell Me, does the joy of the waters seem to end when they break on the rocks below?"
Again Much-Afraid looked where He pointed, and noticed that the lower the water fell, the lighter it seemed to grow, as though it really were lighting down on wings. On reaching the rocks below, all the waters flowed together in a glorious host, forming an exuberant, rushing torrent which swirled triumphantly around and over the rocks. Laughing and shouting at the top of their voices, they hurried still lower and lower, down through the meadows to the next precipice and the next glorious crisis of their self-giving. From there they would again cast themselves down to the valleys far below. Far from suffering from the rocks, it seemed as though every obstacle in the bed of the torrent was looked upon as another object to be overcome and another lovely opportunity to find a way over or around it. Everywhere was the sound of water, laughing, exulting, shouting in jubilation.
'At first sight perhaps the leap does look terrible,' said the Shepherd, 'but as you can see, the water itself finds no terror in it, no moment of hesitation or shrinking, only joy unspeakable, and full of glory, because it is the movement natural to it. Self-giving is its life. It has only one desire, to go down and down and give itself with no reserve or holding back of any kind. You can see that as it obeys that glorious urge the obstacles which look so terrifying are perfectly harmless, and indeed only add to the joy and glory of the movement.'

being a part of the great waterfall

each drop being a necessary part

of a greater whole that together

form a healing flow
Yes!

seven

2008-09-27T10:48:00.001-05:00

With the month of elul nearly coming to an end, I am breaking my blogfast to celebrate a birthday past, present and future. Inspired by the lovely mccabe ~ here's a glimpse into our brave and beautiful sapphire days.

Last Saturday begins our photo montage. Rob was going to be spending his birthday weekend doing one of his most favorite things ever, watching the football game from as up close and personal as it gets! Our good friend Terry invited Rob to help him...so first things first, meet the Carolina team at the aiport, unload the equipment from the plane and truck it over to the Dome locker room. Here are a few official mementos of day 1.

And knowing tomorrow would be a full day, there was no time like the present to, well....
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
First...it was birthday past!
These keepsakes were given to Rob by his Mom a while ago and tucked away by me for such a time as this. In the flowery constructed envelope were 24 handmade birthday greetings from his 2nd grade classmates with personal heartfelt wishes for his 7th birthday. Precious! Thanks for keeping the memories Mom!

But that's not even the best yet.
Turns out young Robby had some things on his mind back then and was a pretty good speller too! This masterpiece definitely needed to be framed and preserved and remembered.
"My name is Robby Kistler. I have 9 in my family. I don't want to get married. I like spaghetti and I like to play cowboys and Indians. I like math. I don't want to go to 2nd grade. I don't like school and I never will."

"Boy is that 'not liking school' ringing true today!!!"

Speaking of today. . .
here is a much gentler form of awakening . . .

And then, last but certainly not least for this true blue purple-blooded never a Packer-backer fan, courtesy of his brother from a different mother (aka mine)
MINNESOTA VIKINGS
vs.
GREENBAY PACKERS

oh yeah baby!

(I'm not supposed to tell my brother Tom it brought big welling tears to his eyes that you'd give these up! Thanks bro!!! You got'm good.)

This calls for a little Tiger cake celebration!!!

What a glorious morning! The day you were born...

September 21

Game Day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB!

[Rob & Terry's son Jake after the big win!]

Meanwhile . . .
back on the home front...
just one more thing to do.

VOILA! that's one lemony luscious-ness sure to please!

I wish she'd stop taking pictures and just let me eat this CAAAAKE!!!!

"sniff sniff" what's this?

ooh la la! that's goooood sweeeet soooo yummmy!

I'm totally licking the bowl and begging for

more of this delicious caaaake!

blogging elul

2008-09-04T08:51:00.006-05:00

journeying through this month of elul
with a very dear friend
feel free to listen in
prepare to be
challenged
inspired
sharpened
by a deeply beautiful soul
...karen aviah davis

It is a time for instrospection, teshuvah (repentance) and reconciliation.

I'm all in.

ransomed hope for rob...

2008-08-29T11:11:00.002-05:00

discovered here

Josiah's story

2008-08-23T09:46:00.002-05:00

Some friends of our family have a 3-year old son, who at age 2 started to develop Autism. They created a video of his story, and for every person that views the video, $.04 will be donated to finding a cure. If you have a minute, take a look—it’s a great cause and a heart wrenching story.

k-k-k-k-Katie

2008-08-17T10:17:00.020-05:00

Beautiful Katie....you're their only g-g-g-girl my sister adores

k-k-k-k-Crookston~dig-set-spike~Crookston

she'll be watching from the s-s-sideline-fer-shore

I love these two beauties...the closest mom and daughter team I've ever known.

Aren't they adorable!

Katie is a sophmore at U of M Crookston and excelling on and off the volleyball court.

LOVE HER! She is truly gorgeous inside out.

Hey Katie, this one's for you "such as" ....

and while this signature 'dock of the bay' shot was taken by yours truly,

my uncle is the real deal...and here are all my auntie gems ...

and the rockstar of this blog....miss you girl!

some spider

2008-08-08T22:32:00.020-05:00

We just watched Charlotte's Web last weekend for the first time ever.
From Fern rescuing the little runt to finding the perfect word,this movie struck a heartstring.
And we have a visitor tonight on our deck that feels like a touch from heaven...a love gift of the humble kind.
Some of my favorite quotes:
Templeton: "Look at her! Don't you think she's a little...uh...what's the word? EW!"Wilbur: "I think she's beautiful."Templeton: "Are we even seeing the same creature?" Wilbur: "I guess not."
Wilbur asks "Should I be worried?" Charlotte replies "Of course not, what good would that do?""Don't worry Wilbur, we'll figure something out.""You are going to see the snows of winter. I never break a promise."
Wilbur: "I don't feel like I deserve any of the words you wrote about me." Charlotte: "Then it [Humble] is the perfect word."
Charlotte's Magnum Opus: "We take to the breeze, we go as we please."
~ ~ ~
Oh, and that little snag in her web is from the fly Rob tossed in for her.awwh! it was sweet.
Wilbur: "Except for the fly."

finally!

2008-08-04T11:03:00.020-05:00

That was then . . .

This is now...

repeating the pose...

shoooooes!!!

all is well...
and they lived happily ever after.

hallelujah

2008-07-30T08:28:00.004-05:00

this is glorious. each offering their unique strength. simply beautiful.

who's your worst enemy

2008-07-22T12:15:00.011-05:00

A while back I commented here that one day I would share this story.

Today is the day. Seven years ago, 7/22/2001, you could hear the angels rejoicing in heaven as one dear precious saint surrendered her life to Jesus for the first time and entered into an eternal life giving relationship with her Savior. Ten years earlier, this person was my worst enemy, and I was hers. Neither of us had a clue that our battle was not against flesh and blood. While we directed our hatred at each other and away from the real culprit plotting and stringing us both along in what we now realize was the most ungodly relationship either of us had ever entered into, we could not see the forest for the trees. We were both lied to and deceived but God's grace, mercy, redemption and TRUTH prevailed!

This part of the do bee di "wash" chapter remains appropriately veiled to protect the innocent and the words I wrote nearly ten years ago to express this painful time are "the truth hurts but not as much as the eventual anguish the soul feels when deception is revealed. The desperate attempts to piece together, the disorientation of figuring out what is really real magnified by the inability to grasp another's intentionality to shroud. Tell me the truth so that I can exist and act upon what I know versus what has been hidden." I am never afraid of what I know. Anna Sewell

Sometime in 2000, this person called me, her voice trembling and filled with sorrow, she later said her body was shaking with apprehension not knowing how I would respond to her attempt to apologize for her part in what happened years earlier...that now it was happening to her. I would have never guessed the overwhelming amount of compassion I felt and just expressed through welling tears how sorry I was for what was happening to her...and said something like "oh...I forgave you years ago."

Six or seven months later, while out pulling weeds in my front yard, a few nights before July 22nd, I saw her approaching from her home a few doors down, and my heart started pounding what seemed like outside of my chest; thoughts raced and again with a sense of not knowing what this was all about, time seemed to stop. She shared how hard things had been for her since during her high school years and the more recent struggle to date and develop genuine friendships. I told her about this church I was going to now, and it so happened a co-worker of hers had also been asking her to go there with her for some time. "Hmmm....maybe I will" she said.

I saw her that next Sunday morning...I remember it vividly because it was also the day of my parents' 40th wedding anniversary...and when the pastor shared the love of Jesus, I saw her out of the corner of my eye, weeping and raising her hand toward heaven. YES! Oh my gosh, talk about a story of redemption! Praise God for forgiveness...that we can release our grip so that Jesus can redeem!

The details from there are fuzzy but we were now sisters in Christ and over time we worked through some really hard stuff and learned to trust each other in ways that at one time were incomprehensible. The circle of forgiveness was complete and all by the grace of God I had never felt anything so amazingly beautiful and right.

Love you to the moon my PURE JOY friend!
...and Happy New Birthday!

"From God's Heart Came a Friend Like You"

She is now happily married to a wonderful man
and they have one adorable son. God is good.

creation critters

2008-07-04T00:19:00.019-05:00

being graceful
in the wild

morning glorious

do these make me look pretty

the very act
of observing
changes things unfortunately this little guy's response was flight

wonder where he's hiding now

i prefer mine
on the rocks

The Shack

2008-06-23T03:33:00.018-05:00

I third the e-motion! I LOVED this novel!
It was highly recommended to me first by my friend Jules
and now here's a hearty endorsement I think you'll enjoy reading as well.

Brilliant~captivating~a must read!

The hardback edition features a new appendix by William P. Young detailing the story behind writing and publishing The Shack and is well worth the price, imho.

redemption*

2008-06-20T13:39:00.015-05:00

I keep reminding myself, I forgive these people, myself, I forgive them.
So that God can redeem. I don't want to give the enemy any license by keeping my grip on any of this. I surrender. I keep reminding myself.
Again and again because it's necessary.

ravens & wildflowers freedom from worry

2008-06-08T10:32:00.046-05:00

What do you worry about? What don't you worry about?

Our pastor preached a message out of Luke 12:22-34 so apropos for today that I thought I'd give it some blog space of its own. There are people I love in my life that worry a lot and it makes me worried for them. So I'm testing out some of Pastor Boyd's practical advice by getting these thoughts out of my brain and out through my fingertips. You can listen here and take some therapeutic notes for yourself, if you wish, but here are what I thought were the essential points.

Note: 6/8/2008 – Ravens and Wildflowers, Greg Boyd – sermon length is 44:02 minutes
As a society, we’re extremely worried. Concern about countless issues pervades our lives: our relationships, our kids, terror attacks, global warming, pandemics, the economy, living the American Dream – if we’re not careful, this worry can consume us. Jesus provides us with the Kingdom alternative to worrying, and it’s surprisingly related to birds and flowers. [Focus Scripture: Luke 12:22-34]

We are living in an age of anxiety. It is the #1 mental health problem in adults & children.

General level of anxiety is on the rise.

Worrying kills us.

We are designed with a flight or flight response.

One shot of this powerful chemical concoction stays in the body for 18 minutes.

God's design was for this to be a rare and short term thing.

Worrying is giving yourself a steady dose.

Amount of worry correlates to amount of sickness people experience.

Worry steals and undermines quality of life.

Can't be worried and happy at the same time.

Fight or flight chemicals are designed for you NOT to be ok.

Sustained worrying equals no joy.

1) Get medical/psychological help if needed-meds are ok and sometimes necessary.
2) Watch less News. Mostly highlights the worst that the world has to offer.

Used to be that a person was aware only of what happened to them, their family, their neighborhood. World catastrophies weren't heard about until months later....now, it's just mere minutes and we hear AND experience vicariously all the "what ifs" and "why nots" while those of us living in the U.S. are safest than anywhere else in the world...we worry most and often experience "survivor's guilt" and a general feeling of helplessness and despair.

Fight or Flight designed so you can ACT!
Limit amount and what you bring into your brain.

When you witness horrific events say a prayer for the sufferers.

Respond if God says send money or go help!

Then forget about it! Survivor's guilt doesn't do any good.

Brain is processing worst case scenario. It wants you to remember and will keep reminding...like little internal post-its. Instead...and here is the point so far....WRITE IT DOWN!

Keep a kind of "Things to Worry About Later" journal and get these worries out of your head! Anyone who does this knows it really works!

Jesus Tips:

As usual, Jesus gets to the heart of the matter. He wants to eradicate worry out of our life not just give some cosmic self-help "how to become healthy/happy/secure".

More to the point: He wants to make us Kingdom people. He says,
Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given to you.
Be like ravens, not like rich farmers. Trust God will feed you.

OK Jesus, but sometimes ravens starve or get eaten by other ravenous wild animals. And wildflowers are here today and gone tomorrow.

And that's his point. They live fully in the moment as long as they are alive.
You are much more valuable than the raven and wildflower.
When you die you die. God will take care of you.
But unlike ravens and wildflowers we have the capacity to make the world our treasure...things that pass away. Jesus is saying, do not worry about things that pass away. Don't have your treasure there. Carefree doesn't mean you don't care. It means you'll have His peace that surpasses understanding. You are going to die. So what. Trust God. Live carefree. He's given you the Kingdom.

We will live more passionately and more effectively if we are not clinging to it...place no identity, have no security wrapped up in the world; rather keep your eternal perspective and be free to live like a real human being.

Then Jesus said to his disciples:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry
about your life, what you will eat;
or about your body,
what you will wear.
Life is more than food,
and the body more than clothes.
Consider the ravens:
They do not sow or reap,
they have no storeroom or barn;
yet God feeds them.
And how much more valuable you are than birds!
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?
Since you cannot do this very little thing,
why do you worry about the rest?
Consider how the wild flowers grow.
They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor
was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field,
which is here today,
and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,
how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink;
do not worry about it.
For the pagan world runs after all such things,
and your Father knows that you need them.
But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Do not be afraid, little flock,
for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
Sell your possessions and give to the
poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out,
a treasure in heaven that will never fail,
where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

3x2x1 random things

2008-05-26T15:58:00.018-05:00

Thanks for the tag Santiago ~ I have complied with your gracious meme accost.

1. When I was around 10, I was holding a 2 x 4 for my Dad while he cut it to size with a hand saw. The board started to slip and I went to grab it and my left thumb got in the way. The rest is a blur but while Dad was shocked and horrified my Mom kicked into gear and grabbed the white washcloth, wrapped it around my hand and off we sped to the ER. 10 or 11 stiches later (ouch! thump thump throb!) the tip was reattached and I survived and still have a scar and disformed thumbnail (and the blue stitches in a scrapbook somewhere) to prove it.

2. Speaking of nails, I used to bite mine. Then I went through a phase of acrylic nails and finally gave up biting and faking it and grew some of my own. It's a bummer when they chip and tear but thems the breaks.

3. I learned that I was mistakenly referring to some thoughts as being random synapses since according to a fascinating lecture series we are listening to (as part of Rob's Psychophysiology class) nothing random occurs in the brain...it is all highly regulated, but we don't know how exactly.

4. When I was 8 or 9 I saw this yellow hi-flier kite at Pixie Pack and just HAD TO HAVE IT! I wore my parents down to YES and finally was out in my front yard in veritable kite bliss when all of the sudden unbeknownst to me, my spool of string was not properly tied off at the end and my coveted kite flew AWAY! My brother Tom and I went on a rescue mission and finally at the end of the day we located the tattered and torn remnants in a tree on the other side of mud lake. I learned about emotional spiraling before I knew what it was.

p.s. I was reminded of this again a few weeks ago when we watched The Kite Runner. Rob is going to get me a really cool kite and we are going to go fly it in the huge open field down the road, I think.

5. When I was a teenager, we did not have call waiting. We had an upstairs and a downstairs phone. It was a source of many arguments and embarassments as someone would get on the other line and say GET OFF THE PHONE, I'm expecting a call from so and so, or would holler I NEED TO USE THE PHONE NOW....and to this day, I hate talking on the phone!

6. I had a bunny named Marco Polo. He was a little explorer and I thought he was going to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as being the biggest, oldest rabbit EVER to live. He shared a kennel with Penny and they got along remarkably well. Penny died, and we got a new black lab, and some months later Marco got out of his hutch and that dog (Sam?) chased him around the kennel until he had a little bunny heart attack. My brothers tracked me down on bikes to inform me of this and I raced home and sat crying with Marco (fully rigamortified) in my arms when our parents got home. Meanwhile, all four grandparents had been summoned and came to our rescue and Grandpa Washenberger even had big apple tears in his eyes and never again teased me about how he was going to make hassenpfeffer soup out of my little Marco.

I tag Rob.

tree lessons

2008-05-21T11:56:00.008-05:00

"new growth"

at first i see this tender shoot

my heart is glad

but next thought

sad

my smile turns grim

will this new life

be pruned

for the good

of the whole

will it delight

somehow

to serve the tree

just to have had

this chance

to be

"resilience"

and then just on the other side

as if the tree could not but chide

do you see

try as you may

it won't stop me

at the cabin

2008-05-20T21:40:00.017-05:00

Mom and Carlee ready to bake something sweet!

Katie & Tyler spending their first summer vacation away from U of M Crookston together
from Cottage Grove to Finlayson...now they're missing each other like crazy since he flew home to Cali today but she's SO CAL next month ... lucky girl!

Leeah bee!~

nice catch! {peek-a-bee}

we miss Rob so much when he's gone ~ a trip to the lake really helps us cope

Lifting them up so He can set them free!

2008-05-15T22:09:00.004-05:00

Please pray for this team and the 140+ men attending boot camp now thru Sunday.

Thank you!

audacious space to share exquisite beauty ~Jen~

2008-05-07T10:27:00.007-05:00

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of
being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

treats

2008-05-02T22:00:00.029-05:00

for baking

with Grandma

for Marek to spew

for thinking of Jeni

for holding onto

Being Inside Out for Jenni

2008-04-25T09:04:00.009-05:00

Today begins the ebay auction to help Jen Ballantyne, a single mom in Australia suffering from stage four colon cancer. Bella, Meg, and Jen have banded together to raise funds for Jenni's care. Please consider what you can do to help bless this lovely one today.

More about the auction here.

garnet mondays @ ruby tuesdays

2008-04-19T09:02:00.061-05:00

When you are
a real princess
you are sensitive
to your own feelings
and to others around you.
You care about
what is true
and you tell the truth
and you do that in ways
that are loving,
respectful,
full of grace
and gentleness.

Meet a real princess. We cut our chips and salsa time short this week since Carlee didn't have to be at gymnastics. She did need to be home early enough to practice her Walt Disney presentation with Mom that she was giving at school on Thursday AND being videotaped! [can't wait to see how she did] and how confident she'd be knowing her stuff! Like, once upon a time, in a land far, far away....well actually, not so far away, dontchya know...Walt Disney was born in Chicago, IL. With Mom coaching her, she would surely stand up strong and present all the fun things she learned about this creative genius in her own unique captivating style!

But that still gave us plenty of time to go on a little adventure trip down Sherrie Lane!

We stopped home to pick up Gracie and listened to this song and visited Haiti before heading over to Woodbury. We spied "the popsicle man" driving his ice cream truck on a side street and started thinking about different things we want to do on our summer days together. Five minutes later we were at our old stomping grounds...where her Daddy grew up. I remember the day my Dad brought Mom and our new baby home from the hospital 37 years ago today actually! (Happy Birthday Stephan David!!) I was down on my knees on our red brick sidewalk trying to gently assess the life of a bumblebee when the little bugger stung me! Ouch!! I remember putting mud on it and crying but mostly I remember adoring my little brother!! and I still do.

Now back to our Woodbine-Sherrie Lane Adventure...we visited the creek where as kids we'd ride our bikes to and would walk in the creek to our picnic spot around the bend but this time we got there by driving down the path that starts where Coggins' house used to be in the culdesac court that we played in tar puddles once with our cousins and rode our bikes and big wheels and inch worms around and around...just before the top of the sledding hill that would take us all the way down onto the lake! and there was that curb along Sherrie Lane where my sister fell and broke her arm that I went back there to dissect the gum that fell out of her mouth to see if she was going to be ok while my parents had taken her to the hospital...and last but not least, actually first, we went to the office building where I used to look for agates for hours. We're going to go back there when we have more time. We looked across the highway at the spot where Dad (Grandpa Jerry) would take us in our station wagon and we'd swim at the Tanner's Lake drop off.

I gave her Princess and the Pea
and read it to her at the restaurant...
[it helped us talk about that terrible fight she and her sisters got into that Saturday]
I loved that book as a little girl and now I can see why through Carlee's eyes. We drove past Carver Elementary to see where Daddy went to school and drove past Afton Park where he played little league. It was fun!! Next time we are going to make a list of ideas for our garnet mondays...

There's a ravine by her house that we are going to pack a picnic basket and blanket and bring Gracie. Some days we'll probably just hang out at her pool and bbq with the family. We even hope to visit Marcell's garden so Carlee can meet her beautiful granddaughter April! [Hoping to find a bumblebee that feels safe enough to let me pet its fur again...still longing for Eden.] The Girls Rock video will arrive in September so we're for sure planning a last hurrah girls' night in! And paint rocks that say cool things like "I'm Sensitive" and "Create Beauty" and "You Are Safe" and "You Rock" and "I Know a Real Princess" and "Sisters Share Love & Laughter" and we hope Auntie Sue will come with us sometime too!

memories ablaze

2008-04-14T09:56:00.002-05:00

My parents were awoken at 4:30 a.m. yesterday morning by their neighbor Jim alerting them that cabins were burning just a few down from theirs. You can listen to Jim's story and about his missing cat, a wild one that was hopefully just hunkered down somewhere safe and will again have a spring litter of calico kittens in the neighbor lady's shed. Please keep these families and the arsons in your prayers. My dad called earlier and was telling me how he left their porch light on overnight last night and sprang from bed early this morning engulfed with a foreboding feeling and swearing he saw a flickering flame only to find it was likely just his imagination. My mom told of an elderly woman a couple cabins away from a burning cabin that was taken by ambulance as propane tanks around them exploded. Mom, Dad and Jim stood out on the frozen lake feeling the helplessness of the situation...nearly a foot of fresh snow had fallen making it difficult for fire fighters to get close and they recalled watching the recent devastation of the wildfires in California with a whole new understanding of what those people were feeling. Local news story here.

Country Cajolings

2008-04-06T09:59:00.029-05:00

As I contemplate the purpose of this blog entry, two primary motivations rise to the top of the neocortex with plenty of "pure amygdala" promptings. First, it's a fun-loving attempt to rouse the slightest bit of affinity for the genre from one of the most unlikely of converts. Whoever could that be? It may very well serve only to install the aversion even deeper in her psyche. We shall see. Secondly, it is a personally embarrassing recollection of my first-ever favorite song by the country boy extraordinaire, God rest his soul, John Denver. One Sunday afternoon, my Dad peaked into my childhood bedroom and found me crouched on the other side of my twin bed wedged between it and the wall with this album cover in hand and pressed firmly against my lips. After the blood that had bolted up into my face faded to a lighter shade of pink, I explained how I was pretending he was that really cute boy at church that my heart was seriously crushing over, hoping that would elicit some compassion and understanding. I don't remember anything more other than feeling pretty foolish. I listen to the lyrics of this song now and am struck by how obscure and random they are and how much I didn't know what on earth he's really singing about. But something about it touched something in me that I still love even if I didn't really get it then. So, here is my contribution to the all time favorite country songs collection. If you have one you'd like added just include the song title and artist's name in your comment and I'll see what I can find on youtube and we'll get 'er done.

Rob's tip o' the hat...

and Rob's was...

for bella and leo...

and one for gracie...

marcell's emmy...

and a funky reggae encore...

Godchildren*

2008-03-30T15:22:00.018-05:00

inspired by the magical love that is linni ~ i share my precious darlings with you . . .

love this post! i am godmother to timmy, lauren and carlee...one of
each of my sister's and brothers' children, and i cherish them as if they were
my own. you have sparked me to write about these three special treasures meme
style on my blog and i'll tag you when i do as the inspiration! my youngest gem
is 11 now and we are meeting weekly for 'garnet mondays at ruby tuesdays' since
we share a january birthday and a lot of each other's personality traits too ;)
we get each other pretty well. love you linni. will take your thoughtful tips to
make these precious ones feel as special as they are.

Sitting on the dock of the 'Big Pine Lake' bay are my brother Steve alongside our first nephew Timmy. #18 is my sister Sue & Craig's firstborn son and my first godchild. His heart is as expansive as his shoulders are becoming in this memory picture from a few years back and like that first shocking big shoulder awareness that my little brother Steve was not a little boy anymore, Timmy has grown into a real man, loving husband to Stacey, and proud father to my first grand-nephew Jayden.

Daddy says Jayden is

the sweetest little
bundle of joy
EVER!

My beautiful niece Lauren [who looks remarkably like Cameron Diaz] just became a new mommy on February 28, 2008....just barely pushing before the leap year stroke of midnight! Lauren's voice and musical talents are mostly inherited from her angelic singing mother although my brother Tom can belt out a good tune [and with Ang they sing a mad toe-tappin' duet or a rousing "Skol, Vikings!"] so maybe it's just a perfect blend of feminine and masculine Imago Dei passed down to their daughter. LDubb, my precious first goddaughter...I love you dearly!

Now, if you recall Joey, my special rock hunting companion, he is Lauren's brother...and just became an uncle for the first time. So one way or the other, this custom designed onesie is definitely going to be fitting for our new little nephew Trey. Only question is will he be shooting pucks or finding pretty rocks first?

[for any baby shower planners...this was a fun activity for all!]

And last but not least, the lovely Carlee Anne.

Caring, nurturing, forgiving and more

describes the person that we all adore.

Thinking of others in multiple ways

will guide the little ones all of their days.

Take this angel given to you

from a child that does what you do.

Godmother, Aunt, Teacher and Friend,

the bond that you share will never end.

Many will see it, many may not,

but to us, your influence sure means a lot.

Sharing something, though indescribable it's there,

the ways that you both seem to love and care

for others in ways that affects you so deep

this commonality is great that both of you keep.

Thank you for caring, for being there to show

her wonderful ways to help her to grow.

Just knowing the problems Carlee could face,

it's comforting knowing she's filled with God's grace.

~a poem from Steve & Kathy~

I'm hoping this Girls Rock movie comes to town so we can go see it together although I'm pretty sure we would be the first two putting in our earplugs! Love the concept though and Kirsten had some great ideas for 'quieter' Girls Rock alternatives [dance, visual arts, more classical forms of music]. Those tween and teen years are turbulent ones and what a difference this sort of thing could be.

It has been said that Carlee and I are a lot alike...and neither of us are at all bothered by that (even though it smacks of our being a little sensitive and a lot strong willed) we consider it a compliment and anything else is just for critics (love that line in the Girls Rock trailer!). Carlee loves competing in gymnastics and cooking with Grandma. Those times together, just like our Garnet Mondays @ Ruby Tuesdays, rock like jewels!

Last October while Rob was doing an Advanced Wild at Heart boot camp at Timber Bay, about an hour away from where Carlee and I sat on the same dock that is shown in the first picture above, we were praying about all kinds of things and she surely has Jesus in her heart. And on the drive home the next morning we sang this song and talked about God and Satan and heaven and hell...and the difference between make believe Santa and the Easter Bunny and having faith in Jesus. Nothing has prepared me to have the answers to such questions for such a young searching heart...I praise and ask the Lord to give me just enough words.

a gift to treasure

2008-03-25T10:32:00.007-05:00

Poem for do-bee

Like petticoats twirling
Thoughts dark and bright
Blue agate rivers swirling
Tumble in at night

Then! Quiet, and soften
For beauty can see
That every so often
She ceases from doing to BE.

from marsyl

~ ~ ~

i found a veritable treasure trove you all will love to see
creative~wise~beauty~full a gift from God is she
who wrote this ditty just for me who listened deep and knew
we truly simply need to know we're loved for who we be

thank you marcell for who you are
~a treasured gift from God to thee~
i share her with you now...the lovely pentimento

still lovin' the snow

2008-03-23T11:15:00.018-05:00

walks with rob rock!!!

random retelling 3

2008-03-20T09:59:00.042-05:00

If a picture is worth a thousand words, how valuable is a song that can transport you right back to a certain place in time? Some times we would rather forget. As I switched over from the usual cd selection the other day this was playing on the radio and swiiish! all those feelings came rushing back like a violent crashing wave tossed on the stormy sea to let me know that cynic is still alive and well down there somewhere and probably could use a little Jesus in that place...but for now she's just letting that part listen to the retelling of this extended chapter of the do bee di story.

by Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

random retelling 5

2008-03-16T13:44:00.041-05:00

I just finished listening to John Eldredge's cd series on The Four Streams and it brought back to mind a past experience of the Counselor coming for me and bringing Healing to a broken and shattered part of my heart that needed His truth and healing touch and, in a precious few moments, was able to reconnect a dis-integrated part back into the whole.
It was just the beginning but it was a gloriously good start. At the time this occurred this experience bookmarks a coming together of several resources pouring into my midst; reading the manuscript for Seeing is Believing, learning the foundations of a broad spectrum of therapeutic healing techniques in the lay counseling class at church, attending a one day teaching on theophostic prayer...sponging it all up and practicing
"how to" but finding real healing in the process. I retrieved this April 2004 post from CVM and decided to share this small chapter of the sweet sorrow story.

As an adult woman on the other side of a painful struggle with infertility…one day as I was praying, the Holy Spirit guided me to recall a childhood memory…

I’m five or six years old – downstairs at the house where I grew up – looking up at Santa (very suspicious that he looked an awful lot like Uncle Gene) but anyway, Santa begins to hand out presents to all the children, my two brothers, then my sister, then each of my five cousins, one by one Santa calls out their name HO! HO! HO! and with excitement and smiles they are handed a present to open. But then, there are no presents left, Santa’s bag is empty, and there was no present for me.

I hear my Dad say “Sandy, how could you forget her present!!!” It was evidently an oversight on Mom’s part [oops]...

But now, I’m remembering the joy each of my siblings and cousins experienced as every one of them were eventually blessed with a child, then another, and another… and I’m remembering the pain of those days, the unmet desire, the disappointment…month after month, hoping, praying… the old thought that I’d been forgotten, overlooked, why wouldn’t God bless me with this gift? Please! Tears flowed followed by sobbing at the deep pain I didn’t even know still existed.

Then, there was Jesus, sitting on the step beside me, with his arms around me, he told me the TRUTH “In this world YOU WILL have trouble, but I leave you my peace…I have given you many gifts…and I will never leave you nor forsake you, I will be with you always, until the end.”

The tears became tears of joy and gratitude welled up in me as I experienced Jesus' love and concern for me, his compassion, his gentle, healing touch.

Forgiveness wasn’t necessary in this memory, but Jesus did bring truth and healing to this six year old child who did not know the truth at the time. She just felt forgotten. But Jesus said you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free! [Posted 4/13/2004]

ten minutes of inspiration

2008-03-06T09:52:00.002-06:00

can also been seen here

a word from Rob

2008-03-03T21:48:00.016-06:00

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today I am Di’s special guest blogificator! She had asked me if I would share my thoughts about my recent big change so here it is.

Last Friday I took a quantum leap into the unknown. I left my secure paycheck for the unknown of unemployment. Really what I am doing is a practicum on my way to a degree in counseling. This has been a long journey of studies and self doubt. I am so grateful for the ones who have supported me. I could not do this without the amazing sacrificial support of my loving wife. She kept telling me I can do it and she kept typing my APA formatted papers. I am so blessed (way beyond what I could say here)!

I also am so grateful for the many opportunities I have had along the way that gave me the impetus to dare to jump into this new world! Thank you Terri Churchill and Kevin Callaghan who have let me be a part of the unique ministry of lay counseling within a church context. I am grateful for the opportunities they have provided me. I would not have dreamed this possible had they not invited me into their ministry. There are a number of other men who have spoken into my life at times when I needed a kick in the butt.

I have been working for years with computers. If you know anything about the Strong Interest Inventory, it is subdivided by categories like Investigative, Artistic, Entrepreneurial etc. I had taken this test a few months ago in a Career Counseling class. I scored the lowest on working with things and the highest on working with people. How true that is! I have been dying at my job. I had been working with computers at a company that basically exists to make wealthy people even wealthier. What a double edged heart killer!

Today I am doing an internship in counseling working with people who do not have the resources to get insurance and can’t afford to get counseling from the professional channels. It is the same as what Terri and Kevin do at Woodland. I have no idea where my income will come from in the future, but I feel so alive.

If you are thinking about a new adventure with God but don’t know how it will ever come together, I would encourage you to listen and follow where He is leading. I remember sitting with Kevin about 7 years ago thinking I would NEVER be able to fulfill this desire placed by God in my heart to help his hurting ones. Today I took another step in that direction. Where will all of this lead? What am I going to do? I don’t know for sure, but I hope to be working with people and helping them find healing in their life.

quantum leap day

2008-02-29T16:00:00.001-06:00

Mine beloved! Today is a day of celebration that has been a long time coming and worth everything it's meant to get here. Nearly 3 years ago, sitting across from Uncle Bob lamenting through a last supper of sorts, Rob received a meta good butt kicking that in no uncertain terms propelled him leaps and bounds toward stepping into his calling. Oh yes it would require much of him; but so much more was on the line....his heart.

Up till now there have been many smaller steps of faith. One could trace the ripple effects and decisions back to Adam but in the realm of a reasonable timeline, you see Rob stepping onto the plane (insert baby crying nonstop to LA) destined for Master Prac in Cali (where said butt kicking took place) then enrolling in grad school, tieing the knot, nailing the practicum at N.I.P. ~ all divine movements toward this blissful day of kissing that day job goodbye! WOO HOO! IHS aka Integrated MCG Wamberg Healthcare Phynque Bardes Compensation Strategies Clark Group Inc. been bury bury good to me and will continue to make rich people richer...that's what they do and they do it well...which pretty much suffocates the life out of a heart that beats for the hurting, underprivileged, wounded and brokenhearted of this world. No more working on computer hard drives for this called out one. Arriba! Human hard drives, here he comes. Living out of your truest heart means counting the cost...and finding that you cannot afford not to any longer. "If you do what you've always done, you get what you always got." It's a new day!

For the Kingdom!

memories rock like agates

2008-02-28T15:00:00.000-06:00

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve loved looking for agates. Back then a favorite place to search for those pretty rocks was at an office building with miles and miles (seemed like to me then) of river rock in a double perimeter around the building with an outer edge surrounding the parking lot. Thinking back now I realize those were times of really connecting with God and still are…like looking for that one precious stone and being so thankful to have my agate eyes to find such little treasures. My nephew Joey loved it when I took him to look for agates…it just slows you down and connects you at the heart. love it. Some I’ve found and polished for you to see here. With Joey when he was 4 or 5 he’d find some “pretty rock” and ask “is this an agate” and I’d say "no but it’s a very pretty rock you can keep it too!" and he did for a while; eventually when he got that response he’d toss it down like “no way” and then he got his agate eyes.

Agates are to me a metaphor of learning, searching for good things, finding beauty, layer upon layer of meaning. Often times you’ll find one you cannot see any lines but you know inside they’re there and if you crack it open or just use some grit and polish, the true beauty is revealed.

Oh Joey’s eyes when something so ordinary on the outside was nothing but extraordinary on the inside! lines and colors and crystals...he loved the hammer time too : )

Joey is 15 now … it’s been awhile since those agate days …

I have one rock, slate like, nothing special except that when Joey found it on Easter morning probably 10 years ago now, it was in two pieces already…and he gave me half and kept the other and said “hey auntie di this can be our agate hunting rock and when we can we'll put them together whenever we look for agates.” I still have that rock. *tears.of.joy*

As we continued our little journey of gathering rocks worth keeping his small voice sang “You came from heaven to earth to show the way from the earth to the cross my debt to pay from the cross to the grave from the grave to the sky Lord I lift your name on high...”

That memory rocks like an agate...or even just a pretty rock.

eenie meenie mine-y-our MEME

2008-02-24T11:55:00.018-06:00

Guidelines:

1) share a thought-provoking dialectical idea
(i.e., tension or opposition between two interacting forces or elements)

2) comment here about mine and/or share one of your own favorite dialectics

3) then...your turn again! make up your own meme of choice on your blog

4) all inclusive tagging ~ ALL blogaholics, beaus and beauties invited AND let's call out a few called out ones still on the proverbial fence of blog. . .CALLING OUT RK JC MD DG ... you know who you are ; )

MINE

Solitude and Silence
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Let him who cannot be alone beware of community.
Let him who is not in community beware of being alone.

Definitely a terrific quote. Wherever you are, be wary of yourself.

bloggushing on... from p.77 of Life Together

Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm to himself and to the community. Alone you stood before God when he called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot escape from yourself; for God has singled you out. If you refuse to be alone you are rejecting Christ's call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called. "The challenge of death comes to us all, and no one can die for another. Everyone must fight his own battle with death by himself, alone . . . I will not be with you then, nor you with me" (Luther).

But the reverse is also true: Let him who is not in community beware of being alone. Into the community you were called, the call was not meant for you alone; in the community of the called you bear your cross, you struggle, you pray. You are not alone, even in death, and on the Last Day you will be only one member of the great congregation of Jesus Christ. If you scorn the fellowship of the bretheren, you reject the call of Jesus Christ, and thus your solitude can only be hurtful to you. "If I die, then I am not alone in death; if I suffer they [the fellowship] suffer with me" (Luther).

We recognize, then, that only as we are within the fellowship can we be alone, and only he that is alone can live in the fellowship. Only in the fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only in aloneness do we learn to live rightly in fellowship. It is not as though the one preceded the other; both begin at the same time, namely, with the call of Jesus Christ.

random retelling 4.5 a piece of the puzzle

2008-02-16T11:32:00.022-06:00

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! From: Bobby G. Bodenhamer
To: Di Kistler
Sent: Tuesday, January 29, 2008 11:10:06 AM
Subject: New Article

Di,
Well, now, I didn’t know you had a Catholic background. That gives you a unique perspective on the evangelical movement. Do you agree? Bob

From: Di Kistler
Sent: Tuesday, January 29, 2008 12:48 PM
To: Bobby G. Bodenhamer
Subject: Re: New Article

Indeed ... although Rob thinks I have a pretty limited evangelical frame of reference having been blessed to get plugged into Woodland right from the beginning of my protestant-ism.

I both appreciate my Catholic roots and have felt a little deceived by them but God works it all together for good. The only two churches I've ever really belonged to are Guardian Angels Catholic Church from about birth to 35 and then after rebirth 12/15/95 I found Woodland Hills Church which was meeting at the highschool just up from my house...so after teetering back and forth between churches, trying not to disappoint my mom and dad too abruptly, I joined Woodland Hills early in 1997 and have been there ever since.

It was cool actually, I had been attending Woodland and loving Pastor Boyd's teaching, but it was one weekend where I was debating whether to go to Guardian Angels or Woodland ... Woodland won out, and at first to my dismay Greg wasn't preaching but this other pastor was. Well....the Lord taught me that day it's about HIM and not Pastor Boyd or Pastor Jass. Pastor Jass preached about "being a piece of the puzzle" and that "you are here today because God has called you" and that sealed the deal for me : )

Blessed to be in Him!

The above was a recent e-xchange with good friend and Christian NLP author
Dr. Bobby Bodenhamer, another of the heaven on earth teachers God has so blessed me with. He has had an incredible impact on my Christian walk second only to author-pastor-friend Dr. Gregory Boyd. I'm telling you, I've hit the cosmic jackpot more than once in my life! Along with my beloved husband Rob and our equally cherished friends and pastors Kevin Callaghan, and Mike Davis, these are among God's most humble and gifted teachers, generous lovers of people, incredible men following hard after God who have, by example, been leaders worth following on a path to becoming more Christlike. And while ultimately none of this is really about them, they'd be the first to point you to Jesus, and my response is nothing less than meta amen knowing that when they see Him face to face, they will hear, well done, good and faithful one. Enter my Father's house.... and see the many lives you have touched. Well done. I am one eternally grateful soul that can truly and respectfully say you matter to Him and are mighty dangerous for good!

Hearts of Clay

2008-02-14T09:23:00.038-06:00

THE WORD which came to Jeremiah from the Lord:
Arise and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause you to hear My words. Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he was working at the wheel. But the vessel he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over.

Then the word of the Lord came to me:
O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does? says the Lord.
Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel. Jeremiah 18:1-6

Happy Valentine's Day to all...in the hands of a creative and recreative God!

my Valentine rocks!

2008-02-12T13:53:00.012-06:00

the sweetest EVER!

As Rob and I sat together,

laptop and coffee in my space,

Sunday paper in his,

he rips out and hands me this...

"here ya go honey"....

and completely sweeps me off my feet all over again.

to be seen and known and loved~no stone left unturned~no stone thrown

Honey, you rock my world!

a time for carrying

2008-02-11T12:37:00.002-06:00

please visit...a heavy burden

random retelling 11

2008-02-09T09:30:00.001-06:00

having learned all about 8 and now connecting a few free association dots...i respectfully submit pic 11 as my first choice for a nonsequential retelling of the do bee di story. my 11+8 = ∞ comment may also seem childish but it's ok if it sounds infinitely different and equally similar. welcome to life outside the meaning matrix box.

i could start at the beginning but somehow that just doesn't always work for me. i could start at the end but i'm not there yet although that does bring me to always and above all else guard your heart~that is pretty much all i have to say about that.

now here we are. testing the waters. still. but let me back up just a little. once upon a time...in a land far far away...

just kidding. a few months ago amy and jen shared their hearts with rob and me about wanting to bring some kind of a captivating thing to mn. being all of us had been to colorado each having our own unique experiences and connections with wild at heart revolution (long story short at least for now) this was a time of straining to hear through some rough rapids (reminds me a little of marlin and dory exiting the EAC--grab some fin! here comes the swirling vortex of terror!) but suddenly there we were in calm cool waters having discovered so much and ready to listen still beside the salty turning tides. Being still and knowing a bit more of what it means to learn to be content in all circumstances and just keep listening and learning.

for a while i was....still tentative about what my involvement may be with all of this and wanting to be transparent about that. I can certainly be a resource and idea-bouncer-offer now and as long as it's helpful. Maybe I can jump in more at some point.

sometime later....you have encouraged me to take another step up toward this and it feels very good and right. God has whispered through your words a message I was hoping to hear. I am delighted to know your perspectives and it feels a little like my eyes are seeing beyond the murky waters I've been wading through under the surface. A light pierces through and beckons upward to a glimmering horizon! Recalling Seth's sermon again, to use another analogy, I'll just bask here on my raft just a while longer and soak up the rays as my sails get ready to lift and catch a fresh wind of the Spirit with you.

The wind has been blowing ever since. Through an amazing trail some distant yet kindred paths have crossed and lines of sharing openly are bridging gaps of inquiry with love, respect, humility and grace. It hints of being among those things that are larger than what we think.

Bottom line...

I've teamed up with a couple women in a ministry we are calling Rubio-Restoring Ultimate Beauty Inside Out... loosely based on Captivating and whatever else God intends for it to be for us and those whosoever will be touched through God's creative beauty. We intend to honor those who have gone before us while allowing space for whatever lay ahead with wild abandon putting no limits on God to accomplish what He desires through us.

stay tuned... (and danny i have a big favor to ask you...)

p.s. now you might be able to connect with how my wheels have been turning around a blogging reunion in mn around about August 2009...or June? May? April? October? a lot of unknowns and lots more possibilities!

a Generous meme

2008-02-07T07:21:00.000-06:00

and the directions are:

1) Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2) Open the book to page 123.
3) Find the fifth sentence.
4) Post the next three sentences.
5) Tag five people.

Being a good little do bee I will comply with most of Nathan's rules, but since he possibly scored higher than me, we understand rules to be more like "guidelines." I'm glad we're not too picky.

"The road to the right leads west towards Naples. The third road leads south toward Key West, through the Everglades. None of the roads leads in the general direction of Los Angeles."

Apparently we are lost on a metaphorical journey west from New York to Los Angeles. What do you do? This is how Brian D. McLaren feels when offered a choice between the roads of exclusivism, universalism, inclusivism...none of which is the road of his missional calling: blessed in this life to be a blessing to everyone on earth.

Speaking earlier of not following all the rules to a T, we wouldn't want to miss the road sign on page 122 nor forget to entertain strangers along the way.

"Industrialists would realize that God cares for the sparrows and wildflowers-so their industries should respect, not rape, the environment. The homeless would be invited in for a hot meal. The kingdom of God would come--not everywhere at once, not suddenly, but gradually like a seed growing in a field, like yeast spreading in a lump of bread dough, like light spreading across the sky at dawn."

This little scenic detour brought to you by a Generous Orthodoxy.

No time to tag for now...I need to keep my eye on the road and get to work. I'll be in that vehicle flashing a virtual bumper sticker "I'd rather be blogging!"

do bee di

2008-01-29T00:26:00.004-06:00

dobee
Do bee just wanted to do the right thing...and wanted to know, how would I know? Who would tell me the answers to all my little questions much less the bigger ones? They started teasing little do bee da. "I am not do bee da! I am a good do bee!!"

I am not a don't bee *pout* I am a sensitive little swc do bee!

"Never injure a child even in jest."

charlie
I had what everyone thought was an allergy to fish and broke out with hives and itchy eyes and painful blisters at the least opportune times. And not on my forearm or behind a knee. My childish mind would retreat inside and ask "Why God, why me? Why my face?" Now there was an even more provoking name to call do bee. Charlie wanna minnow? I got really mad. And ugly. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But why me? When I was a child I thought like a child and reasoned like a child but now I know...Thanks Charlie for protecting our feelings; now the H can go and Carlie can stay!!

wash
By the time Jr. High rolled around, my tender adolescent soul hardened like a coat of Sally Hansen's finest on brittle nails. Enter rebel pot smoking partying mixed with sports, good grades and cheerleading. Ms. K poked me with a not so subtle jab and wrote in my 7th grade yearbook "you are a study in contradictions." Terri tells me now that teacher is not who I thought she was. Thirty years and an ex-husband and lover later, I learned "the truth hurts but not as much as the eventual anguish the soul feels when deception is revealed. The desperate attempts to piece together, the disorientation of figuring out what is really real magnified by the inability to grasp another's intentionality to shroud. Tell me the truth so that I can exist and act upon what I know versus what has been hidden." I am never afraid of what I know. Anna Sewell

amazing love how can it be
then one glorious winter morning...the same sun that melts wax hardens clay. Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation? And there is rejoicing in heaven when once lost is found once blind now sees. I found it! He found me.

sweet sorrow
A buried desire~another chance. Month after month hope after hope~dashed. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Enter trusting Him no matter what.

escaping the matrix
tnt renovation time!
tearing down~building up~living abundantly in love!
first...unlearn "doing numb" then rethink-refeel-redo everything.

concrete advice

I am still learning to be.

princess pea
"I'm not kinesthetic!"
And then I woke up.
I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.

it is written in the sand...
Mine beloved.

you are...
"And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it." Rev. 2:17

testing the water
Let me be a shining light for you
~Let me be a joy to you always~

...for it is the wellspring of life!

silent things

2008-01-27T11:17:00.000-06:00

As feelings inside are stirring to find a way out through my fingertips and while searching for those words hidden away like lost treasures in boxes and books, I came across this poem found in Spotlight magazine during a recent trip to LA. And as I listen to the silence around here today, I share this poem that just seems apt for this moment.

Silence is Golden
God made so many silent things
For he loved the joy that silence brings
Like the snow that covers the winter terrain
Like the silent sound of a light spring rain
Like blossoms slipping to the ground
Like a falling star that knows no bounds
Like the dew that falls at dawning
Like the seeds that push the earth
All silent things that God has made
Like a rose bud giving birth

Like a beautiful rainbow with colors so bright
Like the jasmine so sweet blooming only at night
Like the silent seeds that blow away
Like a dandelion that's had its day
Like a silent river that flows along
Singing a very silent song
Like a brook that bubbles to and fro
Like a bunny's hop across the snow
God loved the joy that silence brings
For he made so many silent things
Helen Stockdale

being unstuck

2008-01-23T09:59:00.000-06:00

Considering what is known about core desires and positive intention, it has been really damaging to see, hear, feel when community gets stuck on the level of wound....why not drop down through to understand what drives that...why not embrace what the soul of that person has done to meet that need and grasp the ways the enemy has assaulted them in that area....why not go that compassionate, understanding, healing route of radical acceptance? Why not just bleed there together for awhile and stop poking where it hurts? I'm afraid even my most carefully chosen words to describe and illuminate this will be misconstrued by some. But the thing is, at the most core part of my being there is a strong frame for truth and being understood. So I will try to honor that part of me and hope that to the extent God is in it, something good can come of it. And then I will be able to move on knowing I've done all that I can to express things inside out, and the rest of it is up to other's perceptions to sift through their own biases. It's not about being right....I know there are ways I'm not right, it's not about right or wrong at all, but it is about knowing. For me, it's about that. I just want to know and be known based on truth with a little t....my utterly fallible t...and given an opportunity to be heard based on my words rather than another's.

You may recognize yourself in your words and mine above because it has been through your words that I've discovered more deeply this truth inside my interior chamber.

Thank you for coming along for this time of gathering precious stones together.

the learning curve...

2008-01-22T10:46:00.000-06:00

from unconscious incompetence
to conscious competence...
thanks Christianne!

Amazing Grace how sweet.

Discovered by Christianne~All About My Dog, Marimo

2008-01-22T08:30:00.000-06:00

sumpin

2008-01-21T08:21:00.000-06:00

~a space to receive a mess from nathan~

I'm such a giver. *blush*

Not yet

2008-01-12T07:49:00.001-06:00